Push

For the last month or so, I’ve been waking up at five in the morning, and it’s really starting to irritate me. I wake up, look at the clock, my brain starts going, and then, I spend the next hour or so trying to fall back to sleep. I’ve still got a lot to do this morning before I leave for North Carolina, so it worked out today. But are you feeling my pain?


When I was a little girl, I loved the water. You couldn’t get me out of the pool. I started young. I’m still reminded of the time when I was two years old and just jumped in the pool and right onto my head. My mother jumped in right after to pull me out, so tragedy averted. Still, I was definitely a water baby.

When I was eight, Sadie and I spent the summer staying with my grandparents. The long, hot days were split up between visits to the library, walks down to the McCrory's next to the Publix down the street and the little bakery where Sadie and I would buy cupcakes or cookies with the fifty cents our grandmother gave us every morning. And, of course, afternoons were spent in the pool.

Along with my eyes, I inherited my love of the water from my grandmother. I remember my grandmother showing me her medals from when she was a competitive swimmer in New York in the late thirties and forties. I’ll have to ask her to pull those out for me and tell me her stories again next time I see her, which will be in a couple of weeks when we go over to Melbourne to celebrate her eighty-sixth birthday.

My grandmother is such a sweet lady. There’s an innocence about her, even after raising six children and losing a husband. She’s tough, though, too. And she's very competitive. You don’t want to sit down with her for a game of Yahtzee without knowing that about her up front. She may not be allowed to watch PG movies, but I’ve heard her cuss like a sailor when it comes to playing games. The lady does not like to lose. And, she doesn’t let it happen very often.


Last night I went to see my friends at Solace Salon and Spa. For such a tiny place, it was hopping for a Tuesday night. While he was doing my hair, Ivan and I got into this whole big discussion about game playing. He’s back into it with his ex, and they’re playing that version of Come-Here-Go-Away that’s always so popular in these situations.

Now, unlike my grandmother, I’m not a gambler. I do have all the board games. I’m fairly obsessed with Poker now, thanks to a close friend. And when I talk with my neighbor from when I lived up in Jersey we'll still reminisce about our Gin-Rum-Vodka-and-Cranberry nights. But I’ve never thought of myself as competitive. I just don’t like playing games. Not of any sort. I don’t like playing because, honestly, I really just don’t like to lose. So I don't let it happen very often.

But,.. When Ivan started telling me about his situation, I was surprised and saddened to realize that the chaos and emotional game playing that I’ve always claimed to avoid,.. Well, I’ve been engaging in a little bit of that, too. Worse, I was unaware that I was even doing it. I’ve been completely oblivious and without any real strategy other than to win. And that’s just sloppy. My grandmother would not approve.

The one thing I’ve learned, though, when it comes to playing games, whether it’s the kinds you play at the dining room table or the kinds you play in love, it that there’s a time to push and there’s a time to fold. And you’ve got to choose that moment carefully. You’ve got to read your opponent. You’ve got to know your cards. You’ve got to know the stakes and be willing to risk losing. And you really should at least know which game you're playing.

I didn’t. But now I do.