Insignificant Others

My neighbor the Young Republican sent me a text last night while I was sitting out back with my sister Julia and my other neighbor, Lily.

Julia and I had spent the day driving to the East Coast and back to visit family. Lily spent the day making a very cool gift for her daughter’s graduation. Collectively, we were spending the evening getting drunk.

The Young Republican was texting me to ask me to go let his dog out. So over I traipsed to retrieve his spare key and let his dog out into his backyard.

Two hours later, we’re still talking out back, and his poor dog was whining in the backyard. Lily’s talking over the fence to her, “It’s okay, Girl.”

“That’s probably not helping,” I said to her, “She’s probably more wound up because she hears us.” Still, we all felt bad for the dog, so after we went back and forth, I sent him a text.

“Are you coming home tonight? Do you want me to let her back in the house?”

Because at this point, it’s close to midnight. Julia’s flight leaves at six in the morning, so we’ve got to get to bed soon. And no way am I letting the dog stay outside all night.

No response. Turkey.

I reread the text I sent him to Julia and Lily.

“What are you, his mother?” Julia asked.

“I know, right? And I don’t know if I should be insulted or not that he thought I would be home on a Saturday night.”

“Nah,” Lily said.

He finally sent me a text back. “I thought I’d be home by now but my driver isn’t ready to leave.”

“And?” I said to the phone. Then I turned to the girls and told them, “Well, I’m either his mother or his wife.”

I sent him another text back. “So do you want me to let her back in the house?”

He sent right back. “Yes, please, if you don’t mind.”

So we all walked back over. We retrieved his house key. We let the dog in. She’s extremely grateful. We played with the dog for few minutes. We checked out the pictures on his fridge. Lots of “Save the Date” magnets. This guy’s almost as bad as I am when it comes to weddings! There’s a pic of him and his new girlfriend on The Pier, all dressed up and hamming it up for the camera. We all agreed they look cute together.

Before we left, I stopped to check the dog bowl. No food. No water. Argh!

Okay, I’m trying not to judge him, because he’s usually so good with his dog.

So I fed the dog, and because I was extra irritated with him, I used the filtered water in the fridge to water his dog without refilling it for him, thinking that’ll be helpful after he comes home from a night of drinking with the guys.

Yep. Respective significant others notwithstanding, I’m definitely his wife.