Left of Center

The Boy has officially graduated from high school. Whew!

My mother sat beside me at the graduation and whispered, “So did you ever think you’d make it here without you in jail and him in a grave?”

I shook my head and told her, “Or vice versa.”

We all went out to the Columbia Restaurant in Ybor City for a late lunch after pictures and hugs and congratulations. We had a table in the Patio Dining Room, which looks just like it sounds. Lots of plants and an open air feel. Really lovely. If you’re ever in the area, be sure to check it out.

My sister Julia is down for The Boy’s graduation, and we had driven over to the restaurant together. She’s staying with Sadie and her crew. I popped in a cd of 80’s songs and we sang along with Suzanne Vega and The Plimsouls on our way over there.

“You know, I’m digging the Audrey Hepburn look you've got going there, but with those sunglasses on you look like you’re going to a funeral,” she told me.

Sisters. They can always be counted on to see through your bullshit and put you right in your place, can’t they?


Somewhere between clapping and eating today, I broke the news to my mother that I was thinking about quitting my job and going to school full time. Just as I expected, this news was met with less enthusiasm than you might show for, say, a looming colonoscopy. First, she looked at me like I was crazy. Then she asked, in the most sensitive, caring way she could muster, “Are you crazy?”

I totally pulled a Forrest Gump, “Crazy is as crazy does, Mom.” I didn't really, but that would have been kinda funny, huh?

No, what I did then was plead my case. Yes, we’re in a recession, but isn’t that a great time to go back to school? Once I’m done, the economy should be turning around. No, I’m not on the verge of being fired. Yes, it’s a lot of money to walk away from.

But, it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life. It’s not even what I wanted to do for the first part of my life. I’d always planned to do something else. It was always a temporary thing. Necessity made my temp job into a career. Now that Boy is going to college, he won’t need me as much. His college is paid for. I can pay for grad school.

Why am I holding on to a career that doesn’t suit me? I don’t have the personality for this job. I look around at my co-workers, and though they’re great, interesting people, I don’t feel like I’m one of them. I feel apart. I always have. And, finally, how long should anyone wait to start living the life they feel they should be living?

I still have half my life to live - hopefully. I want to spend this half doing something I want to do.

“And if it doesn’t work out, I’ll just pack up the animals and move up to Vermont to live with you. You’re building a barn, right?” I said.

“Talk to your father.”

But then she was wonderfully supportive, with a motherly measure of concern, just as I knew she would be. And I've got a measure of concern about the idea myself.


When I was driving home today through the tree-lined streets of my neighborhood, I saw a mother walking a dog with a boy of about three trailing behind her who was walking a toy dog behind him. And for one brief moment, I wished I could go back in time and do it all over again.