A Little Porn

My favorite girl porn is in syndication. It’s the Ghost Whisperer. I love that show. Cute little town. Cute little house. Cute little antiques shop. Cute outfits. Very cute sensitive, yet sexy and manly, husband. And always a happy ending.

I know Ghost Whisperer is probably not what comes to mind when people hear the word “porn,” but, think about it: unrealistic depiction of life that evokes a sense of longing and makes you feel kind of dirty after you watch it. How is that not porn?

So what’s wrong with a little porn?

Well, here’s what’s wrong: it’s unrealistic by definition. There’s no way that exists in real life. Life’s problems do not get wrapped up in 55 minutes with commercial breaks. And, when we watch porn, any kind of porn, we get desensitized and dissatisfied. Life’s just not that good.

Example for the ladies: You go to a movie with your girlfriend. It’s a romantic comedy. The impossibly pretty yet quirkily flawed girl meets the PERFECT yet emotionally incomplete guy. They both live in really gorgeously decorated homes that real people who are dog walkers or ad executives couldn’t possibly afford. Now our couple has some false starts. There’s some situation that goes horribly, yet comedically awry. Maybe there’s another man trying to keep them apart. Maybe it’s a woman. Maybe it's the writers and market analysts... But don’t despair because, right about the 78-minute mark, the two realize they’re made for each other and live happily ever after.

Then you go home to the man you live with, who isn’t quite as photogenic as the larger than life man who just wooed you for 90 minutes in the darkened movie theater, and just can’t quite seem to get his dirty clothes off the floor that he’s been promising to refinish for the last three years and into the hamper you bought at Target.

Are you thinking, “Gee, I’m so lucky to have this man I love and who loves me. It’s work sometimes and he has his flaws, but it’s worth it”?

Probably not.

Same thing for boy porn. Now how’s he going to go check out some surgically enhanced med student/stripper, who can do things with a roll of quarters that even WaMu would charge a fee for, to little no-longer-quite-so-mysterious you (who, to your credit, can tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue) and not be a little?.. Well, you get my point

It’s the same thing. Well, not exactly, but the result is the same: That slight pang of “eh.”


So, I try to limit my porn. I don’t read romance novels. Completely destructive. Prince Charming doesn’t exist. And if he did, he’d be gay. I only watch romantic comedies when I’m either happily in love or very happily single. But Ghost Whisperer?.. What can I say? I’m weak.

Did I mention the cute little town square in that cute little town?