Discounts and Free Passes

Got a call from Carrie this evening as I was walking into Whole Foods.

“I know which movie star you are,” she told me. She and Mr. Carrie are childfree this weekend as Little Carrie is with her dad, and they’d just come back from seeing a movie.

“Oh, cool. Which one?”

“Katherine Heigl.”

“Really? I thought that was just because of that movie, 27 Dresses.” Devotees will remember that I’m big at weddings.

“Yeah, well that one, too, but this is the second movie I’ve seen her in where she has the same mannerisms as you and talks like you. She even looks like you.”

Boy has a huge crush on Katherine Heigl. I decide not to mention this. Too weird.

“You two went to see that movie she’s in with Gerard Butler today?”

“Yeah, it was cute,” she tells me. "Mr. Carrie even liked it."

“So does she get to make out with him in the movie?”

"What? And spoil the ending?"

Gerard Butler is so on my laminated list of people I get to make out with if I ever meet them. And, um, he’s willing to make out with me, of course. Not looking to get slapped with a restraining order or anything… I mean, have you seen him? And that accent? Come on.


Someone gave me a 30% off coupon while I was trying on clothes today at The Gap. How awesome is that?! It was good at The Gap, Old Navy, and Banana Republic. Since I was shopping alone, I had asked a mother and her college-age daughter in the dressing room next to mine how the Boyfriend Jeans I was trying on looked. The mom said they were cute. The daughter said they were too baggy. Then, she gave me the coupon. I bought the baggy jeans anyway.

And what’s up with all the stores making their sizes bigger? This has got to be the most annoying trend ever. If they’re going to do this, they need to keep someone on standby in the dressing rooms to go fetch smaller sizes for you. I can’t tell you how many times I had to trudge out on the floor in bare feet and pants that were sliding off me to get a new size.

I was even on the verge of telling the mother who kept apologizing for the two-year-old who kept poking her head under my dressing room door to “go grab me these in a size two and all will be forgiven.”

Would that have been wrong?


Okay, so the shopping spree is over for now. None of my girlfriends I called to come partake of my 30% off coupon could make it up to the mall before they closed at six. Got some new clothes and refills for my Wallflowers from Bath and Body Works. Now, I just have to find a way to return those boob shirts Boy’s friend shamed me into without her finding out and slide the whole, “is it okay if I make out with Gerard Butler if I ever have the chance?” thing into conversation.

I mean, after all, I am just like Katherine Heigl. You’d think that’d score me a free pass…