Hey Baby, What's Your Sign?

One of the three jobs I held the summer I worked on Cape Cod was at a deli. One of my coworkers was this older woman who did astrological charts on the side. As a favor, she did mine. I still have it. The paper’s a little yellowed and worn, but the information is still there written in pencil in a crepe-like script. Sun sign: Aquarius. Rising sign: Libra. Et cetera.

Well, I got bored last night and took the “Are you a true Aquarius” tests. As an Aquarius, I’m a little unconventional anyway, right? That’s what Astrology says, at least.

Guess what, though? According to these tests, I’m not. An Aquarius that is.

So I called a friend, who was equally bored, and had her answer the questions for me based on what she knew of me.

Still not an Aquarius.

We did the other eleven tests, and guess which sign I’m true to. Aries. Well, at least they both start with “A.”

And it got me to thinking: How much do we assume about ourselves based on when we were born.

Now I know more people who follow their horoscope than don’t. If they don’t follow it, at least they know which sign they’re born under, and sort of proudly declare it when asked. From what I remember of the 70’s, or at least what I learned about the 70’s from Boogie Nights, what your sign is dictates the people with whom you are compatible.

So far as the compatibility goes, they say Aquarians are most compatible with Libras, Geminis, and other Aquarians (natch). But I don’t really know any Libras, all the Geminis I’ve ever known have been, frankly, a little duplicitous, and other Aquarians have always seemed a little too flaky for my tastes. In reality, all my friends are Leos and Sagittarians, which are most compatible with – wait for it – Ariens. Hmm… Very curious.

With all the controversy over nature vs. nurture, should we take into account sun sign, too? I mean, how much can we really trust the stars? Especially when the whole thing is kind of subjective. And another point worth bringing up: How you see yourself is often different from how others see you.

Despite all reason and evidence to the contrary, over the years I’ve pulled out that chart whenever I’ve started dating someone special. Checked it over. Surreptitiously slipped into conversation the questions: “So, when, exactly, were you born?” and “Which city and state was that again?” And, time and time again found a reason not to hold on to a guy or work at the relationship because fundamentally (at least according to my chart) we weren’t compatible. See? The stars say it’s not going to work out, so why bother? Ridiculous.

But you know? I think I’ll keep holding on to my little chart, the same one I’ve carried around with me for twenty years now. I’m just sentimental that way. But I’m not going to hold on to it as tightly. I’ll look at it, instead, as a suggestion of what I might have been had I been raised without any outside influences, had my life gone another way, had the forces of a thousand stars really been able to give me a map of the life I was supposed to live as dictated by how the planets were aligned on a particular day.

If You Have to Ask, You Can't Afford It

I’m attracted to beautiful people.

Aren’t we all?

I heard they did a study with very young children to prove that even in our innocence, humans are attracted to aesthetically pleasing people.

All my friends are beautiful, or at least their faces have become so familiar to me that I’ve grown to believe they are beautiful. And there are some people whom I once believed beautiful who’ve become decidedly less so the more I’ve gotten to know them.


A close friend of mine, who just so happens to be beautiful inside and out, has a frenemy who tries to emulate her at every turn. When she first told me about this, I thought, Well, that’s kind of flattering, isn’t it?

Except, over the years it’s become more like her own personal version of Single White Female. What was once “flattering” has become denuded as plain old “jealousy.” And I just can’t imagine what that must be like – for either of them.

I’m not exactly a plain Jane myself, but even with all the full-fledged beauties I’ve had in my life I’ve never felt even the niggle of jealousy toward them, and I'm genuinely shocked whenever a friend quietly confides, "Well, I wish I had your..." or an acquaintance is blatantly envious of something I'd gladly share or surrender. Still I think this happens to everyone to some degree, doesn't it?

It’s not so much that I’m incredibly self-assured as it is that I think I’ve always been instinctively aware that every gift has its price. My friend’s “frenemy,” for instance.

Think about it. If you’re born to or create a great deal of wealth, do you ever wonder if someone loves you for you or your money? If you’re powerful, is someone in your life for your company or for what you can do for them? If you’re beautiful on the outside, will you still be loved for your heart and mind?

And do any of these gifts come without a debt to be paid: people who depend upon you for their livelihood, a responsibility to those who are powerless, unwanted attention from strangers and sometimes people you consider your friends?

No, the green-eyed monster isn’t my sin. I’m not sure which is. But I count myself fortunate to have enough not to envy and not so much that I’m envied by all.

Granola Dog

I’m thinking about having Dog go Vegan.

Stop laughing.

Before you write me off as a fruitcake, here’s my reasoning:

Dog's are omnivores, not carnivores.

Dog’s becoming a chunky monkey. Earlier this month, I took him to the groomer for his monthly bath. Since the weather is getting warmer and his hair is all over the place, I had him shaved. And, People, he looks like a blond sausage with a head and legs.

He keeps getting ear infections, and he’s scratching – a lot - due to allergies. A vegetarian diet has proven to give relief from these two issues – for dogs and humans. Though for humans it just prevents the allergies, not the scratching. It also allegedly helps to prevent certain cancers.

He LIKES fruit and veggies and rice. And, okay, he likes meat, too, but I don’t eat meat so he doesn’t get that anyway.

And, finally, I want him to live forever. Dogs on vegetarian diets have been shown to live fuller, healthier, and LONGER lives.

Still think I’m a fruitcake, huh?

Well, I’ll check with his Vet first. She’s a very nice, open-minded woman, who I suspect will chuckle a bit before she gives me her opinion. I’ll keep you posted.